I don't have many interests, but I have a few, and have at various times debated creating a specific blog for one of them. But then I realize that I possess the type of focus that led me to get a type of theater degree, so I figure a little bit of everything keeps it spicy. I can snark with the best of them, so why narrow my options?
First things first: Spooky things. I love spooky things. I don't love them, I lurve them, I luff them. Oh, to be in first grade again, going to our Library Hour once a week and carefully choosing one of the three "Haunted Places" books in their dirty old covers and yellowed pages. Some people love the smell of old books - it makes me want to vomit. And I'm a bibliophile, through and through. But I like them new and shiny and MINE. I want the first turn of every page to be mine, and every word first glanced at by me, me, me. I am a freak about my books, and I lend them out only rarely. When people lend me their books, they can kiss them goodbye if I like them. I'll even buy them another copy, and keep the one they lent me. Because, well, the first time I experienced that book was in THAT copy. You may create your own de-virginizing metaphor here.
Anyway, I don't like old books. Too sad. But perhaps in the case of the spooky things, the oldness added to the effect. I didn't like this "book," not the words, in the literal sense, so the subject matter was in turn a bit forbidden. However, I would guess that it mainly had to do with loving being scared shitless.
A long story short, or shorter, leads me to here, at the age of 22, with full-time job and, more importantly, health insurance (making you proud, Mom!), still sort of wishing I could say "fuck it all" and be a nerdy ghost hunter listening to EVPs all day and sensitively coaxing spirits to the Other Side. I'm not sure what I would say to them, though. "I know you butchered your wife and now spend your days blowing in the ears of female house guests and knocking over planters, but I promise the next life will be better." What the fuck do I know? Maybe the ghost just moves on to haunt a solar-home on some distant planet, where orb-people marvel at their rooftop landing dock retracting into the roof on its own, without their having to touch a tentacle-print to the control panel. The more technology there is, the less easy it'll be to freak people out. Any weird little thing nowadays can be attributed to electrical glitches or radiation. bo-ring.
Due to the length of my obsession with all things opaque, I have seen and read quite a few odd things. Of course you have your lifetime movie with Jane Seymour being, um, pleasured in her sleep. Then you've got your haunted objects, like dolls (AHHH!) and mirrors (more AHHH!). And then you have my favorite: EVPs.
EVPs, for those not quite nerdy or naive enough, are Electronic Voice Phenomena. How it usually goes is the lame-o one of the group, or the female due to their apparently innate sensitivity, walks around a supposedly haunted site asking questions. The hope is that even if a response isn't heard at the time, it will be recorded. Of course, the lazier members of the group will just walk around and go, "Speak into this little red light here, if there is a ghost present." I have yet to hear an EVP go, "Shove it up your ass."
I love EVPs. I adore them. Like in other aspects of life, the quality of it can be judged by how much I squeal. As I said, I've been reading about this shit for a long time, and little creeps me out anymore. But a disembodied voice calling, "Help me"? I bow down to the worlds of which we know nothing. I don't care if it's real or not, as evidenced by my immense enjoyment of The Coffee Pot Ghost.
And whether real or not, the latest episode of Ghost Hunters. If you don't know the GH crew, they look like this:
They usually have those types of looks on their faces for most of the show. These are looks that say, "I'm SOOOOO skeptical." It's used to get all the other skeptics to watch and scoff too - and then get irritated because they'll do their manly shrug at the end with a concluding, "Who knows, might be haunted." *gruff* Then they go out and drink beers and bitch about their wives. Well, I don't know if that part is true, but I bet it's true.
Anyway, they went to some haunted place tonight, somewhere. And they did their little shimmy of spending what always appears to be a half hour actually recording shit,d espite the fact that twice as much footage is dedicated to their setting up and taking down their oodles of fancy equipment they've purchased just to, you know, show that they really don't care about any of this stuff.
There are always EVPs, and tonight's was right up there with the fantastic. The place was a fort, I think. Whatever. And one EVP, as they listened to it over and over, I came to a strange conclusion of what it could be saying. And then it was confirmed when one of our surly lads finally said:
It sounds like it's saying, "The boss wants it deeper."
YESSS!! Finally! An EVP of perverse connotation! I have been waiting for this forever. I mean, "Help me" is classic, but a bit overdone. But a ghost who may have been involved in a little sexy time before death, destined to relive it over and over for hundreds of years? Priceless. Unique. One for the ages (literally, for the ghost).
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